Self-Development – what does it actually mean?

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Originally I was going to post a video but after a few attempts I realised I wasn’t happy enough to put it up there. Why was I not happy enough? Well, there are so many videos out there these days and I guess when you want to put one out yourself you start comparing it to the good ones. The ones that people seem to listen/watch and that seem to get shared for what ever reason. My reason for wanting to get shared would be because I want to inspire people, I would like to take a little bit of the pressure they might feel off their shoulders. And having said that I realise how much pressure I put myself on my shoulders. The pressure of competing with the good ones out there.

Okay, not happening, I rather write and hope a lot of you will read it and may be even share anyway because you like what you read. My answer to the question about what Self-development     actually is.

Last weekend I was crewing at an event. The event host is someone I really appreciate for what he has done and continues doing in the area of – you guessed it – Self-development. I have attended a few of his courses myself and whilst I can say they are incredibly good value and content, I am not one of the ones popping up on the screen, talking about my success I had after attending which ever course I attended. Unlike some of the ex-participants who were mentioned on the event on the weekend. Did I mention it was a free event with the aim to get people signing up to paid programs? No I didn’t, but that’s what it was.

And yes, there was quite a bit of content shared as well, some thought provoking facts and a few tips for people to take home to start changing their life and become successful. May be even happy because successful and happy is by far not the same thing. And that is one thing a lot of people get wrong when they attend self development seminars.  A lot of them think, once I make enough money I will be happy. WRONG!!!

So, I was sitting there and listening, watching the pictures of all those people doing just fabulously well, mind you they all had dollar figures attached to their successes, no one mentioned how they were feeling on the inside, and I thought, interesting, how come I am not there – yet. Am I stupid? Lazy? Useless? Dumb? A perfect procrastinator? And I caught myself feeling guilty about the fact that I wasn’t up there, had no dollar value attached to my name and face. And I felt worse and worse because obviously I loose in value because I didn’t make it. Wow, Self-development. Now, I consider myself quite a strong person and I can get myself out of negative thoughts rather quick and I know that a lot of bullshit is happening in that industry. But all of a sudden I was thinking about the increasing numbers of suicide and how someone could be sitting in the audience and think and feel exactly the same as I did. A failure because after x-amount of Self-development seminars they still haven’t reached the goals they set out when they went to their first event. And in times of mounting pressure from work, social media, family, friends and most of all oneself I could just see how someone could dwindle down and decide, they will never gonna make it and how useless they are……

I am not talking about the pressure to buy that was imposed on the audience, wrapped in a nice way, caring way, still pressure. Using tricks that are as old as rancid butter, but just the pressure you might put on yourself when hearing all of those good stories and how you want to be one of those good stories too. And why? Because you get recognition, acknowledgement from outside, from people you don’t even know and from people who don’t even know if it is true. Because in the end it all could just be a good story.

So, my answer to what Self-development really is is this: You developing yourself. Understanding yourself, listening more to yourself and build an inner self esteem in order to withstand the outer pressure and the outer stories that are just that – stories. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. With no one else. So make sure you know exactly what you want and need and don’t let anyone tell you what it is because most of them would not have YOUR best interest in mind but their own. It is ok to learn in which ever way works for you but make sure you do it because you want it for yourself, not in order to get acknowledged from the outside. The most important goal of Self-development can only be your own happiness. And that can come from very different sources. It might not even be money.

And if you realise you want to work on yourself then you have to decide if you work well in a group intensive environment, like a 4 or 5 day workshop, online in a Facebook group, where no one really cares if you are there or not, or if you might be better off with a one-on-one coach, mentor or teacher because you know yourself best and that is the basis for your decision. I know for myself, I need a one-on-one contact who works for me, who focusses on my challenges and works through them with me and that is how I am successful in my own right. And I don’t need to be on a screen with a dollar sign attached to me in order to feel valuable – thank god.

Develop yourself and don’t let Self-development make you feel like shit. Thanks for reading, I just wanted to share this. And please feel free to share as well 🙂

Until next time

Barbara

 

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